Time...

It feels like the days last only a few hours, and then it is night. I feel like I sleep for only 10 minutes, and then it is day again.... (I think I might have a sleep problem... But that is a whole other topic.)

I have no idea where the time goes. What happens to the days and weeks and months and years ? And why do they go so fast? I wish I could slow it down.

Maddy will be 4 in July... I can't believe that number! 4 ... seems like she just turned 3 ... And even that was hard to believe. I wish I could pause time.

Something interesting happened to me over the weekend. I held a new born baby. And now, for the first time, I am officially baby hungry. I didn't think that this day would ever come! I never saw myself being "baby hungry". I knew I wanted another child, eventually. But I didn't think I would ever feel the longing for a baby that people talk about... I thought it would at least be a couple more years before I even thought about getting pregnant... But then, I held that baby, and POOF! Now I can't wait till we decide to have one. And I wish that day was now! lol :D I didn't even see it coming.... Don't get too excited (Grandpa), no plans for one yet. Evan and I aren't even married! lol First things first! Let's not get ahead of ourselves! :D

Speaking of getting married...

June 5th is only a couple months away!! It feels like my wedding "to do" list will NEVER end! It is a lot of work, but it is so much fun, and it makes me happy. I couldn't be more excited to get married to the man I've wanted to be with since junior high!! ... It's been a bumpy road! But we are finally here!

Ps: If you haven't sent me your address... please do!

Or you won't get an invite!

Thank you! :D

there is no good title for a post like this

One of my friends is dead. 22 years old.

He was handsome. He had a good job. He drove a cool truck. He had a lot of friends. He was funny.

Yes, he had his problems... He was a recovering addict. He made decisions to turn his life around. He put himself into a recovery program. He just got out.

He had a bad day, decided to use one more time so it would all go away, and then went to bed and didn't wake up.

Such a waste of an incredible person, who could have had an incredible life!

I am angry.
I am confused.
I am sad.

I wish he had been strong enough to fight it.

On one of the windows in my house, there is a little drawing that he did, just a few days ago... It feels so strange to look at it... To know he had been there just a few days before. I don't have the heart to wipe it away... That is all we have left of him. A little drawing on the window.

He seemed happy when he was around... I guess he hid a lot more than anyone could know.

I wonder how long I will be angry, confused, and sad.

Why, Scott?? Why did you do that??

.... I wish I knew why...

We love you!
We miss you!
And we wish this was all a bad dream.

Blog about blogs

When I got to work today, I got on the internet and I hit my daily blog trail.... Checking the ones I follow to see if there is anything new. Reading posts by friends, family and others, I am always touched in one way or another. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, and some days, like today, someones writing will give me goosebumps. The blogs I follow are important to me... Because even though most people may not know it, the stories of their lives, help me with mine. Strange how things like a new baby, people helping each other, a frazzled mother, an accident, a new home, a party, a first date, a new job, a perfect picture or someones struggle with life can show you how blessed you are, and make you take a look at your life and see what needs improvement.

Today it was Natalie that gave me goosebumps. She is a friend I found in a very unexpected way. I haven't known her long, but she is an incredible friend, and has helped me a lot. She has her own story, which is not mine to share with you, but her story hits extremely close to home. As she makes her way through her struggle, she blogs about it... Daily I check to see how she is doing and what she has accomplished. Today while reading about her new accomplishment, I got goosebumps. I am never really sure how it happens, but it does. I make myself pay special attention to what I'm reading when I get them, because I've found, that when you pay attention, the goosebumps can reveal great things... And they did.

Thanks to a blog Natalie wrote for herself, about herself, I am now inspired to change.... She has no idea what she did or how she did it... And she didn't do it on purpose. But I am thankful for her today.

So, this is a little public thank you, to Natalie.

And also I want to thank those who write their blogs, and let me read them... You may not even know that I read them... But I do. You have no idea what you do for me! So please, keep writing! Even if it is just for yourself... You may not know what something you do for yourself, can do for others.

I can feel it

Spring time.... It is in the air today! It is March 1st, only 19 more days until the first day of spring... I can feel it coming. However, we are in Utah, so this could be the point where the wind comes in and all the sudden we receive 4 more inches of snow on the valley floor... I am crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen!!

I am more ready for spring this year than I think I have ever been! I want to take Maddy to the park without freezing! I want to go up the canyon and walk around Silver Lake! I want to drive with the windows down and the stereo blasted! Fishing, picnics, long walks outside, flip flops, t-shirts, mini golf, sunshine and flowers!! (And also I can't wait for the wedding! June 5th... Only 3 short months away!)

I dressed Maddy in a very spring-looking shirt today!

see:

(she put the crown on herself! lol)

I keep looking at her just so I can soak in the happiness the flowers on her shirt bring to my heart! Can you feel it?

I hope Spring comes quickly! I don't think I can take the longing much more...

Happy March everyone!

Here we are

Ladies and gentleman, if anyone actually reads this... I am now back in the blogging world. I used to be a part of it all, but due to past events, there just wasn't the desire to share my life with others. Funny what a boy can do to you! But I am here now, and ready to share, and some of you know a lot of what you will read, but for those who don't, here is a recap:

4 and a half years ago I picked a path, and there was no turning back. A marriage to someone I hardley knew, a beautiful daughter, 3 years of a little happiness with a lot of hell, and an ugly divorce later, my life was basically in shambles... If not for my daughter (now almost 4) I don't think I could have made it through any of it! She is the light in my sky!!

Now, life is getting back to what it should be.... And here is why:

Evan.

He has been my best friend since I was 12, we were next door neighbors. We had a junior high crush, and a high school form of love and hate. But, no matter what, he was always there for me. He was there for me even when it was not his place to be. Even when he was with someone else, and I called, he would answer. He was there for me through boyfriends, flat tires, dance performances, family issues... You name it, didn't matter, he was there. Judge me if you want, but even through some of the rocky times with my (now ex) husband he was there. To offer an outsiders opinion. Just as a friend. Because I was going home to my husband, and he was going home to his girlfriend, that was the path we chose... To be apart... But that path, for me, turned out to be less than happy... And the day I made the choice to separate from my husband for good, there was only one person I could think to call.... And he was there. Like he had always been, sort of waiting, I suppose, to be there for me. To offer support, advice if I wanted, love if I needed. To be my friend, like he has always been. But he was always more than that. I had ALWAYS loved him. I just chose the wrong path. I know why... So that I could have Maddy... And so that I could appreciate my friend for always being there.... I took him for granted when we were young. But I don't any more.

And FINALLY, after a long, bumpy, emotional, crazy, ride through life... We have been brought back together, we have realized how much we have always loved each other. He has taken my daughter under his loving wing, decided to be there for her also.... And now, we are GETTING MARRIED!!!

And here I am! Back to blogging! There is a lot more to it than that! But for now... That is how it will be left!

There is much to come! And the future seems more exciting now, than ever before!

I guess we'll see......